The tragic passing of Michael Jackson at the age of 50 has hit us baby boomers very hard.  Here was a talented person who reached the pinnacle of his profession as one of the greatest entertainers of all time.  However, we all know that he was not a happy person.

He had trouble maintaining a relationship with a woman and admitted to leading a very lonely life.  One could say that he died of loneliness.  As human beings we need companionship.  Love sustains us and keeps us feeling needed, safe and whole.  We have a richer life because of it when we have love that is nurturing and healthy.   

It’s a shame that Michael did not have a chance to get love right.  Sometimes it takes us many years to truly know oneself and what makes us happy, as well as, to have the capacity to accept someone in our lives.  Then, we need to go out and find that person we truly yearn for.  That can take time, much effort and our financial resources.  We may get caught up in “life”- our job, helping our family members or just staying busy with activities.  We may stay away from dating to avoid the pain of rejection.  And yet, if we want to find love we have to stay focused and not give up during the dating process with the hope of one day we will meet that someone special.    

So what can you take away from the loss of such an unfortunate person who seemed to have it all?   What do you want to do for yourself today to bring love into your life?  What needs to change in us to make that happen?   And can you afford to sit on the sidelines?  

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions and any comments you may have on this subject.

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S. Let me help you as your relationship coach to move you forward with your goal of finding the right love relationship.  I am currently forming a group for the next 10 week Get Love Right Tele-coaching group starting in late September.  Sign up by July 31 and get an additional one on one coaching session-a $225 value! Go to www.GetLoveRight.com to sign up.  Limited space is available- commit yourself to finding your desired romantic relationship now!    Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com.

 This past weekend my husband and I are celebrating with our families an important milestone in our lives.   Its our sons first birthday!  A babys birthday- why is that so important?  Because we have achieved triumph over much adversity!  We tried to conceive for 5 years.  Just two years ago there was no baby in the picture and I couldnt even imagine this day ever being here.  Do you ever feel that way about your life? 

Can you imagine yourself in a serious love relationship or even marriage a year or two from now?  Stranger things have happened! 

 Think about the milestones in your life:  high school graduation, college graduation, graduate school, your first job, your first real relationship, perhaps your first marriage or the birth of a child or children.  I am sure when you were in the middle of the road to that accomplishment, there were doubts and fear.  In college you may have thought, Will I ever graduate?  It felt like a monumental task.  Yet, you eventually did!

Why is it important to look back at your milestones?  Here are some reasons:
1. To see where you have come from
2. To see how far you have come
3. To acknowledge your accomplishments
4. To give you the confidence to know that if you put your mind and energies towards it, you can achieve your hopes and dreams. 

Today we are celebrating my sons first birthday.   This is a huge milestone for us.  The first year of having a baby is a rough one.  He is now a happy, adorable boy.

On to the next milestone: Kindergarten graduation! 

So what milestones in your life do you want to celebrate today?  What are in middle of that seems like a monumental achievement for you right now?  How can I help you get there?

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions and any comments you may have on this subject.

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S. You can join my free tele-class on Monday 5/29 at 9 EST pm on Critical Relationship Skills for a Thriving Relationship.  Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html . 

P.S.S.  Get your relationship questions answered!  Subscribe to my email notifications for helpful dating and relationship advice and tips to move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com .  Sign up for my next tele-gathering at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html .   Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com.

The past two weeks I have been steeped in learning about social networking.  I am curious about if couples who have met on Facebook.  This is the most obvious site for this kind of activity.  Will online internet dating sites become pase?   

Facebook has been described as a big cocktail party.  You meet someone through others.  So social networking is just an extension of your circle of friends and colleagues.  So this is my relationship questions: how can you take advantage of Facebook for when looking for a serious relationship? 

I met a woman who met her husband on Facebook.  This was the first time I heard about it.  She said that they were both graduate students at George Washington University.  He searched around her circle of friends and this woman, Jane, caught his eye.  Remember, that Facebook has lots of information about you.  It even has your love relationship status if someone cares to divulge.  

Her now husband used the common bond of the same school to start the conversation with Jane.  It’s like coming up to someone at a house party! They clicked and the rest is history! 

You see it’s possible to get a real sense of a person by their profile and how they interact with others on the site.  

Do you know a couple who has met on Facebook?  Can you see using a social networking vehicle for meeting people to date for a serious relationship?  How would you feel if someone was pursuing you from your Facebook connections? 

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions and any comments you may have on this subject.

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S. You can join my free tele-class on Monday 6/29 at 9 EST pm on “Must Have Relationship Skills”.  Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html . 
Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com.  
P.S.S.  Do you want to move your goals forward of finding the Right Love Relationship?  Join my next “Get Love Right” 10 week tele-coaching group at www.getloveright.com.  Sign up now and get the special price.  Feel more confident about the way you go about dating for a serious relationship!  Limited spots available.

One of my friends is taking classes through the Meditation Center of Greater Washington DC and we got talking about kindness as a trait in people.  When I work through to get the values clarification of my clients, kindness, compassion and caring come up for many as must have values for a partner.  I asked my friend to write a piece on the subject for my blog. So here it is:

“Kindess is the highest form of wisdom”, the Talmud says. The Dali Lama says, “My religion is kindness”.  Buddhism teaches that we create our world through our thoughts. If we want to live in a world that is safe and loving there is no better place to start building that hopeful world than inside our own loving hearts.  We do this by practicing kindness to ourselves and others.

Kindness is a quality of the heart that exists in all of us.  We all have the capacity to be kind.  It is not a quality of mind, though we may think kindly towards someone.  True kindness is not premediated or calculated but insteads springs naturally from that open, gentle giving space in our hearts.  The poet Emily Dickinson eloquently wrote that,” hope asks nothing of us in return.” The same can also be said of kindness.  It is a pure act.  The reward is soley in the act of being kind.

When we can see the world through someone elses eyes, we begin to touch upon our common humanity. We discover that we are all children of God, each blessed with special, unique gifts and sharing the same hopes and dreams, fears and concerns.  When we recognize the divine in all of us, we are able to contact a wellspring of compassion and caring which is the essence of kindness.  We act from the innate goodness in our own hearts without expecting anythng in return.  The impulse to help, comfort, console, encourage, nurture is not reserved just for our human relations.  It can easily be applied to our connection with animals as well . When we remember the importance of kindness in our daily lives, both with our family, friends and pets, as well as with strangers, we slowly create the conditions necessary for healing the divisions in the world and replacing them with love.

Written by David Katzin, student of Tara Brach — Meditation and Dharma Teacher of the Insight Meditation Council of Greater Washington.

How is kindness important to your dating life? Is this an attractive quality for you?  How can you bring more kindness in your life?
This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these questions and any comments you may have on this subject. (Click comment link at the end of this blog post)

Your relationship coach,

Amy

Get your relationship questions answered! Subscribe to my emails to get helpful dating and relationship advice and tips to move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com You can sign up for my next tele-gathering there.Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com

P.S.S. Do you live in the DC metro area? If so, when you sign up for my calendar of events on www.DCDatingInfo.com, there are more ideas about trips to take for the summer to meet someone for a serious love relationship.

When you travel with a group, you get the unique opportunity to learn about other people.  You will see sides of their personality that may not come out in a typical dating situation.  You are thrust into unusual situations when you travel.   You can see how a person interacts with others- good or bad!  You can find out how they deal with time- are they on time or always late?   Is the whole bus waiting for this person?

You can see how flexible or accommodating someone is when you travel.  Do they help others with their luggage when someone is struggling?  When plans shift, do they go with the flow or are they put off?  Does the person you are traveling with keep his or her cool under fire or do they fly off the handle? 

Another side you can see is if someone is a people person or a loner.  Does the person you have your eye on like to go off by herself or want to be with the crowd?  Does this person make friends easily or turn people off?  Is a person you are attracted to have a pleasant demeanor?  Or is he always complaining and never happy with the situation? 

You can see how adventurous someone is.  Does she stick with the safe and known tour or does she want to explore on her own.  When I was in Israel we went tubing down the Jordon River, went on a Jeep ride at the Golan Heights and went swimming in the Dead Sea.  Some people covered themselves with the mud there that was supposed to have health benefits.   I consider myself quasi-adventurous.  I didn’t go caving since I have issues with small, confined spaces.  

You can also see if someone is creative.  Some people like to draw or take pictures in an artistic way.  Another benefit of traveling with the group is that you gain the perspective of another person and may add to your learning.   You get the chance to see how they see the world.   Last, you can learn people’s values when you are traveling.  What is really important to them?  You spend a lot of time on the bus and can have deep conversations!

Of course there are a couple of negative aspects of  traveling with a singles’ group.  Some trips may not have more than a dozen of people and you can get stuck with someone you do not like.  The trip may be 75% women and if you are a woman, you may not like these odds if you are hoping to meet men for dating!  

Another con is that cliques can develop and that people do not wander past their chosen group so it becomes hard to get to know the other people.  Sometimes people pair up fairly early so you don’t get a chance to connect with someone of interest.  (in the next post we will discuss some strategies on a single’s trip to take).  Also, if you do meet someone you are interested in, they may live across the country from you.  On one trip I was on there was a Seattle- New York connection!  So you are dealing with a long distance relationship.  

Also, when you are traveling, you are not in a setting that represents normal life.  You are having fun and don’t have to deal with everyday mundane things.  Another situation I have found is that people can lie.  They may neglect to tell you that they have a serious relationship at home.   You may find someone who “loves the one they are with”, shows you a lot of attention on the trip and then never follows up afterwards. 

So you need to weight the pros and the cons of traveling with a singles’ group.  I do believe it is a way to meet people who share your interests and values.  I recommend you visit my resource page on my main website to see some groups that offer trips for the summer.  www.heartmindconnection.com/resources.html. 

What have been your experiences when traveling on singles trips?  What are the considerations that are important to you? 

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these questions and any comments you may have on this subject. (Click comment link at the end of this blog post)

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S.  Get your relationship questions answered!  Subscribe to my emails to get helpful dating and relationship advice and tips to move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com .  You can sign up for my next tele-gathering there.   Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com. 

P.S.S.  Do you live in the DC metro area?  If so, when you sign up for my calendar of events on www.DCDatingInfo.com , there are more ideas about trips to take for the summer to meet someone for a serious love relationship.

In this post I am going to explore the type of trips and vacations you may consider as a single who wants to meet other singles for a serious relationship.  In my last tele-gathering we were discussing the relationship question:  Where can I meet singles when I am vacationing this summer?

The one thing I forgot to mention in my last blog post is since it is very obvious to many, but not to all people is that one of the best ways to find out what trips or vacations that are geared for singles is Google.   For example, it may be your interest to search “Christian Singles Travel” and you will be given many companies that organize trips for singles of the Christian Faith.  

So there are many different vacations that you can consider that cater to singles.  There are resorts or adult camps that have long weekends such as Club Getaway just north of New York City in Kent, Connecticut.  Or there are all inclusive resorts that promote singles weeks such as Club Med where there are a myriad of activities such as swimming, waterskiing, boating, tennis, golf, and evening entertainment and dancing.  Also, there are dance cruises for every type of dance such as swing, salsa, zydeco and tango that offer lessons by top instructors and have open dancing with live music.  

Next, there are sightseeing tours both in the US and abroad.  The US trips tend to be oriented towards the outdoors and national parks such as in Colorado and Alaska.  The international tours provides guided tours where you learn about other cultures and history of the countries when you are visiting Europe, Asia, Africa, India and the Middle East.   You can find more adventurous tours to China, Africa and South America. 

You may choose to travel with singles of your faith.  I know there are many Jewish and Catholic travel groups for singles.  (visit www.heartmindconnection.com/resources.html for listings of some groups.) There are also religious groups that have weekends and cruises for the purpose of singles to meet each other for a love relationship such as JDate and Bersherte for the Jewish Community.  

Don’t forget your local activity groups that may organize summer trips, as well, such as your ski clubs, biking, hiking or golf groups. In Washington, DC where I live, we have several ski clubs, biking and hiking groups that have trips organized for the summer.  (Visit www.DCDatingInfo.com) 

What kind of vacation appeals to you where you have the opportunity to meet serious singles?  What do you plan to follow up on and investigate for your summer vacation? 

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these questions and any comments you may have on this subject. (Click comment link at the end of this blog post)

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S.  Get your relationship questions answered!  Subscribe to my emails to get helpful dating and relationship advice and tips to move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com .  You can sign up for my next tele-gathering there.   Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com. 

P.S.S.  Do you live in the DC metro area?  If so, when you sign up for my calendar of events on www.DCDatingInfo.com , there are more ideas about trips to take for the summer to meet someone for a serious love relationship.

Now is the time to finalize your summer vacation plans.  You say that you have no plans yet!  You are not alone.  In this month’s telegathering (It was a great class with a good turnout) the main relationship question that many had is, “How do I find out what to do for the summer and still have the opportunity to meet other singles?”  You are not unlike many singles that wait until the last minute to make this decision about their summer plans. 

First you need to figure out how much time you have.  Do you want to take off a full week or two?  Or would you rather take a couple of long weekends?  The time allotted will determine what kind of vacation or trip you can take. 

Second, what is your budget?  How much are you willing to spend?   Do you want to have a long weekend at a posh resort or would you like to take a week’s trip that is packaged for the budget traveler? 

Next, check in with your values.  This will give you a sense of what would be a fulfilling vacation for you.  If you are a person who would love to get involved in philanthropic projects (and meet others who share your passion),  I recommend that you look into trips that are organized around doing service such as Steppin Out Adventures. 

If you are a person who values a healthy active lifestyle, then there are many resorts and trips that specialize in sports and other physical activities, as well as healthy meals such as Canyon Ranch, Club Getaway and Club Med.   Also there are biking trips such as Backroads and hiking trips as well.  

Remember to seek trips or groups that are age appropriate.  An organization such as Elder Hostel (www.elderhostel.org) runs educational and active trips for the over 60 crowd. 

If learning about and experiencing other cultures is important to you, then there are many single tour groups that you can find.   You may want to visit my resource page on my www.heartmindconnection.com to learn more about the companies who run trips and the resorts that offer activities for singles.

Many of my clients tell me that they would love to find a love relationship with someone who loves to travel so they can have a traveling companion.  Then my dating advice to you is to travel with the intent of meeting other singles along with finding a vacation that is satisfying to you. 

In my next blog post I will explore more types of vacations or trips you may want to consider.  What kind of vacation are you seeking?  Would you like the opportunity to meet singles this summer while you travel? 

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these questions and any comments you may have on this subject. (Click comment link at the end of this blog post)

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S.  Get your relationship questions answered!  Subscribe to my emails to get helpful dating and relationship advice and tips to move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com .  You can sign up for my next tele-gathering there.   Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com.  

PSS.  Do you live in the DC metro area?  If so, when you sign up for my calendar of  events on www.DCDatingInfo.com , there are more ideas about trips to take for the summer to meet someone for a  serious relationship.

I was recently on my local TV station’s mid day magazine program on the subject of breaking up.  They wanted my
relationship advice on a recent Men’s Health article (http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlemh.aspx?cp-documentid=19187764 )
about who is breaking up harder for – men or women?   I started thinking and researching this relationship question and this is what I concluded…

A lot depends on several factors such as the age of the person.  When we are young, we may not have a good sense
of self.  We don’t have much experience with love relationships and breakups.  We fall heavily into love and our
emotions run strong.  So when we break up in our fragile 20’s, it hits us harder.  One of my client’s son’s girl
friend broke up with him.  He was devastated.  He thought she was the one.  It turns out she wasn’t ready for a
serious relationship commitment.  He didn’t have the perspective to see that this may have been for the best for
both of them at this stage of their life.  In time he will move on and meet someone who wants what he wants. 

For those women in the mid to late thirties and early forties, a break up may hit really hard.  I had a client who
came to me after a horrible breakup.  She had been dating a guy for two years and was expecting a marriage proposal.
  Instead, the boyfriend broke up with her.  Here she had a disappointed dream of happily ever after.  She really
wanted a family too and her time was running out.   I think breaking up is very hard for women in this age group,
especially if they want to still have a family.  

In my next blog post I will explore other factors that make breaking up hard to do!

How have your break ups been?  What has been hard for you about breaking up?  What have you learned from your
breakups?

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these relationship questions and any comments
you may have on this subject.

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S. You can join my free tele-class on Monday 5/18 at 9 EST pm on “Summer Travel or Vacation Plans Strategies”. 
Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html . 

P.S.S.  Get your relationship questions answered!  Subscribe to my email notifications for helpful dating and
relationship advice and tips to move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious
relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com .  Sign up for my next
tele-gathering at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html .   Also, you can download a free chapter of
relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at
www.GetItRightThisTime.com.

My Get Love Right tele-coaching group came to an end this week.  It is always sad because you get to know and love a group of people who really show up and do the work for ten plus weeks.  They are like young birds that have gotten wings and now are able to fly on their own.  (This is a metaphor for venturing out into the dating world.) 

They leave more grounded in themselves, with a clear sense of what will work for them and what will not in terms of their dating to find a serious relationship.  The group was four women ranging from 35 to 55 years old.  Three have never married and one was divorced.  All are courageous and smart women.  They
took a risk and decided to try something different to change the outcome of their dating.

So what did they come away with?  As each shared what they have gained from the group, it became apparent that I had taught them well.  They got it.  Sally said, “I am not going to date haphazardly anymore.  I used to date someone and then find out that their life goals were different than mine.  Now I will find out their life goals sooner rather than later!”  

Lisa chimed in, “I really have a sense of my values and that my partner would need to share my main core relationship values.”   Jane added, “I will pay attention to my must haves and use that as a screening tool when looking for a love relationship.”    

“Yes, I won’t allow myself to get swept away by a cute guy who doesn’t share these important things with me”, shared Tina.   This was all music to my ears!  

What choices are you making for yourself when you are out in the dating world?  How can you be more intentional about who you go out on a date with?  What will you use to screen inappropriate people?
 
This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these questions and any comments you may have on this subject.

Your relationship coach,

Amy

P.S. You can join my free tele-class on Monday 5/18 at 9 EST pm on “Summer Travel or Vacation Plans Strategies”.  Sign up at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html . 
P.S.S.  Get your relationship questions answered!  Subscribe to my ezine for helpful dating and relationship advice and tips to move you forward towards your goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com .  Sign up for my next tele-gathering at www.heartmindconnection.com/telegatherings.html .   Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship at www.GetItRightThisTime.com.

One of the relationship questions I get that comes up often by my clients is about when to meet the kids.   There are many factors to consider:  the age of the child(ren),  the length of time you are dating, the circumstances under which you met your partner and whether this is a serious relationship  or leading to a more committed arrangement.

I remember when I was dating I really did not want to meet a child until I knew that our love relationship was exclusive, monogamous and moving in a direction of further commitment.   However, one man I dated I met through a social/support group where we were all going though our divorces at the same time.  He also had full custody of his son so he didn’t have the time apart like many divorced dads.  So I did meet the son very early in our relationship.   We told his 10 year old son that I was Dad’s friend and we were careful not show any physical  affection when we were around his son.   This was early in my dating history when I was separated and in the process of getting divorced in my mid thirties. 

One of my clients expressed that he met the child too early in the relationship and that as a couple they did not get enough one on one adult time.  Most of their activities involved the child. He felt this was a mistake and would now set a boundary about not meeting the child(ren) so soon.  This way he could get to know the woman without the distraction of the child to see if there was really a connection between them. 

I also have heard stories about the person who is without children feeling attached to the children and then having to lose that relationship when the couple breaks up.   It can be heartbreaking on both sides.  So my dating advice to women and men is to err on the side of caution.  Wait until you are dating exclusively and know
that you are moving towards a more committed arrangement before meeting the children. 

It is important to see how well you get along with the child(ren) before considering engagement.   I have seen relationship break up because of difficulties with the child and when children from both
sides don’t get along. 

Believe it or not, older children (who get to vote) are more difficult to meet than younger children who are more open and accepting.  One of my female clients was dating her boyfriend for two year before he would introduce her to his children who was in their late teens and in college.   First, this man was afraid to have both of his worlds meet.  He liked the situation with my client being as an oasis when just being the two of them.  He did eventually introduce her to his children (they were curious about his girlfriend) and it worked out beautifully. 

So each situation is different for each set of circumstances.  When did you meet the kids of the person you were in a serious relationship?  What were the factors that mattered to you when dating and children were in the picture?  What worked and what didn’t? 

This inquiring relationship coach wants to know your answers to these questions and any comments you may have on this subject. (Click comment link at the end of this blog post)

Your relationship coach,

Amy
P.S.  Get your relationship questions answered!  Subscribe to my emails to get helpful dating and relationship advice and tips to move you forward towardsyour goal of meeting a partner for a committed serious relationship or to enhance your existing love relationships at www.heartmindconnection.com .  You can sign up for my next
tele-gathering there.   Also, you can download a free chapter of relationship advice from my book, “Get It Right This Time-How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship” at www.GetItRightThisTime.com.